A very accurate archive of administrative correspondences. By Ava Lozner Illustration by Emma Finkelstein

By Schuyler Daffey and Madison Hu Affirmative: Professor B sits at his desk in Barnard Hall, the fluorescent luminescence of Milstein his...

Our Funny Valentine.

By Michael Colton Dear Dante, My girlfriend and I have been together for six and a half months and are really compatible, but we’re both...

By Michael Colton In the words of Dean James Valentini and a recent Columbia Confessions poster, “college is meant to be the most...

By Michael Colton Dear Dante, I missed the deadline for Senior Scramble, and now I feel like I missed my chance at getting *quality time*...

By Michael Colton Dear Dante, What do kids at this school do for spring break? It’s coming up and, honestly, I have no idea how to make a...

By Chloë Gottlieb and Daniel Seizer Negative 9:30 p.m.: Calling all senior nite sluts!! U know the drill: cocktails at ours before Amity....

By Cy Gilman Verily Veritas frequently thought about decline. At night, after a few sips of bénédictine, he would sprawl his body across...

In which Dante advises on meeting the parents.

In which Dante plays Cupid. Dear Dante, This one’s good. I’m not totally sure about this, but I think my cute TA totally has a crush on a...

Halloween dead at 400-something, murdered by Cancel Culture.

In which a newcomer to the city receives a warm welcome.

Fourteen terms every CU/BC first-year should know.

In which a picky eater is dished the dirt.

A Columbia Career Counselor weighs in on summer internships.

GRE prep for the modern Columbia student, after Alejandro Zambra’s Multiple Choice.

In which a faithful friend misses out on the fun.

In which Columbia’s piteous are offered sage advice.

A catalogue of tender romance.