By Malia Simon
Uh oh! It’s Orientation season, and you know what that means: NSOP leaders are already plotting the many ways to “get you out of your comfort zone.” Orientation will be held online this year, but don’t think that means you’ve escaped the mandatory Icebreaker exercises that’ll make you too embarrassed to look your fellow group members directly in the eye for the rest of your four years at Columbia. Freshmen–think I’m being dramatic? I say it’s best to prepare yourself for the worst. Here’s an anticipatory list of the absolute worst Zoom icebreakers that could possibly happen to you this NSOP. If I get any of these right, you owe me a beer in thirteen months.
Make your Zoom background your spirit animal! And then you’ll all be sitting there wondering how long you’re supposed to keep it up. Your Orientation Leader will not tell you.
Pick one thing in your room that says something about you! Dude, I’m living in my parents’ basement right now.
Shout things you like/hate about yourself that rhyme with COVID! Or anything that even approaches a COVID-rhyming game, for that matter.
Make some random noise over the webcam! Do yourself a favor and just pretend your browser froze up for this one.
OK, mental health check! This OL is gonna be the “mom friend” if their life depends on it!
OK, INSTANT identity talk! We know you’ve never seen any of these people in your life, but please explain to them the intricacies of your identity. Don’t worry, we’ll write weird compliments in the chat after you’re done.
Make a “meme” that… Spiderman meme format incoming.
Time for breakout rooms, but you have to choose your own groups! Like seventh grade dodgeball all over again.
Breakout rooms again, but let’s talk about our favorite television series for thirty minutes. Honestly, can’t blame the OL for this one. You’ll still want to take a long bathroom break during it, though.
Something that involves you running or moving quickly around your room. Know your rights. You do not have to do this.