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  • Writer's pictureThe Blue and White Magazine

Columbia Crushes That Never Were

Updated: Sep 2, 2021

Recently, popular Facebook page Columbia Crushes has stopped posting the pleas of the lonely and thirsty. The page has not been updated since the end of January after Columbia Crushes released their ill-fated app, MiniBoard, which looks suspiciously like Yik-Yak. To mourn the death of creepy posts to tag your friends in, the editors of The Blue and White have decided to publish the crushes that did not make the cut.

“You play baseball on the lawns but you’re clearly not the baseball team. Interested in a different game of ‘catch’? Call me.”

“I’ve seen you around campus with your very dainty small white dog, who does not use a leash and whose hair is always on point. Not interested in you, but interested in the dog.”

“My TA is soooooo hot he’s like thirty ish but i literally think i am in love how will i make it through a whole semester with you distracting me ugh you are so hot ugh please date me i swear to god i’m totally normal even though i’m submitting this !!!!!”

“Who is the kid who sets off the McBain fire alarm once a week? I totally love you and we should totally meet for coffee sometime because I totally won’t kill you 🙂 ”

“I loved when you yelled at me in the boat. Take me back to Tahoe. Call me by your name.”

“I met a girl named Kelley on Tinder, and she roasted me for my bio. Kelley, marry me.”

“I’ve seen you at Mel’s a lot and want to show you my turtleneck collection. Let’s go to a fashion show.”

“You look kinda young so I nicknamed you Lolita. Please date me”

“I saw you playing PUBG in lecture. I can’t tell how old you are, but your skills blew me away. XBox and chill sometime?”

“Who was the guy wearing pants on Low steps today? Anyone know his name or how I could get in touch? Thanks.”

“To all my Ferris and John Jay swipe ladies—you da real homies. Next meal is on me.”


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