2020 Guide to Giftgiving Guides.
Looking for the perfect gift for your loved ones this holiday season? But wait! How will you know where to begin shopping without a classic gift-giving guide? But wait! How will you know where to begin looking at gift-giving guides without a gift-giving guide guide?
By Malia Simon
Luckily for you, The Blue and White has done the research, and we’re thrilled to share our findings. From my tiny brain to yours, here is the Official 2020 Holiday Gift Guide Guide.
Cosmopolitan Gift Guides Stay far away. If you’ve been fortunate enough never to have read a Cosmo gift guide, I pasted this year’s below to save you the trouble: “Hi, Woman. Here are some Womanly Woman things. Flower petal lotion. Wine-shaped candle. We just know you’ll love it. Also, we are definitely Real Women writing this and not aliens or AI-generated text.”
Arts and crafts-y Guides These are a maybe. Those little intricate crafts can certainly make a friend yell out in elation, “Cool, you made this?” Unfortunately, this is only suitable for those proficient in arts and crafts. As for the rest of you, give yourself the annual reminder that no one over the age of three is into melted crayon art.
Gift Guides “for men” A great option if you have $1,800 on hand to blow on a large appliance. But if you’re in a college relationship, why are you considering looking at one of these, anyway? Consider oral copulation as a cost-effective alternative. Something tells me it’s been awhile.
Gift Guides From the Book Corner of Urban Outfitters Haha, funny gifts! Do you want to give your friends odd-ball gifts that will remind them you’re so cool and fun? You have to spend 45 dollars! At this store!
Self-care-y Guides Nothing says “I don’t know you as a person” like a candle and face mask kit. That being said, what’s the holiday season without belligerent reminders of how many different perfumed liquids it’s possible to own and impose on your friends?
Gift Guides by Influencers Proceed with caution: these are directly tied to multi-million dollar brand deals with Audible 100% of the time.
The Office Depot Gift-Giving Guide We’re in luck. Just when we thought no one could create a suitable gift guide, Office Depot emerged from the mist, temporarily forgetting they are an office supplies store. Office Depot, I couldn’t agree more. This year, you should get each one of your friends a Duracell® Sync & Charge Cable, Micro USB, 10′, Gun Metal Gray, LE2294. You really should. I want you to.