Reading Each Other Closely
- Jack Bradner
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
Applying Self-Disclosure to Columbia’s Couples
By Jack Bradner
In 1997, psychologists Arthur Aron et al. published their seminal study, “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings.” To investigate how self-disclosure affects relationship-building, Aron et al. devised a set of 36 questions to probe closeness between unacquainted participants. Two of the participants in Aron’s study were married six months after. Inspired by Aron’s list, which the New York Times later popularized, we want to explore relationships similarly, but in a Columbia-specific setting. Readers are encouraged to find a partner at random, test their significant other, or intently recite the list to a mirror.
Set I
1. What’s your full name? Why?
2. If your life story were a one-act play, where would it be set?
3. Share a dream or nightmare you’ve had recently, and let the other person tell you what it means.
4. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
5. If you were a local New York City superhero, what would your (not-so-super) power be?
6. What would your (not-so-super-villain) antagonist be like?
7. What is your most prized possession and why?
8. Who’s the most important person in your life right now?
9. Do you have a favorite word?
10. Mime your time at Columbia in as much detail as possible.
11. If it were the apocalypse, who would your last phone call be? What would you say?
12. Suppose Cupid took this Valentines Day off. What (animal, person, thing, etc.) would take his place, and what would it shoot you with?
Set II
14. If you could teach a class at Columbia on any non-academic topic, what would you teach?
13. Who’s your second best friend and why aren’t they your first?
15. Do you believe in soulmates?
16. Why didn’t your Columbia marriage pact assignment work out? (If it did, that also merits an explanation.)
17. Which parent do you talk to the most?
18. What romantic relationship from the Core do you find most inspirational?
19. What’s something that you want to get better at?
20. How has your understanding of love changed over time?
21. If you could, would you want to remember everything?
22. What’s absolutely necessary for you to be friends with someone in college?
23. How does technology (your phone, especially) impact your relationships?
24. How did your parents meet?
Set III
25. What do you miss most about being away from home?
26. What were you glad to leave behind?
27. What do you think of your partner’s outfit?
28. Has Columbia changed your expectations for being in a relationship?
29. How do you know when you love someone?
30. How do you want to be remembered at Columbia?
31. Recommend a song for each other, and explain your reasoning.
32. What do you think you’ll be like as an elderly person?
33. Do you have a deepest, darkest secret?
34. Share your most pressing Columbia regret. Without knowing the consequences, would you go back in time to change it?
35. What do you think of each other?
36. How do you expect that you will (or won’t) feature in each others’ lives?
