Please Stay With the Group

A tour of St. Paul’s Chapel.

By Duda Kovarsky Rotta 

Illustration by Justin Chen

Alrighty tour! Move right along here with me and my Owala. Now that we've seen Low Library, let's move right along here to the east to St. Paul's Chapel! 

This is only my sophomore year, but so far, this has been one of my favorite places on campus. I’ve started coming here very often for solace. I'm having a bit of trouble with my Columbia-Jew card. You know, they told me the mothers-womb special was non-revokable, but then they caught me reading Judith Butler … even though it was just for a class! I'm under review now. Anyhow, as you can see, the building is undergoing a bit of construction. That inscription up there used to say “PRO ECCLESIA DEI” back in the day. That last word just doesn't fit our community standards anymore. 

Now, if you'll stand with me here for a second you can see our dear Chapel roughly follows the style of the rest of our buildings: the red brick, long columns, oxidized green-blue roofs, yada yada. If you post a picture here your friends from home will recognize it as Columbia. Ha! Only joking. Though the outside is Columbia-standard, the inside is totally different, with curved Byzantine bricks. Anglicized, of course, don’t you worry. 

The architect of our beautiful building, I.N. Phelps Stokes, was anointed by his philanthropist aunts to design it. Not saying he didn't deserve it—I can only imagine how hard he worked to get there. But yes, the Stokes' hefty donation to the University came with a request. You’ll find most donations to this place come with a caveat! If you look closely, right beneath the 24 windows around this part, you’ll find some names: Van Cortland, DeWitt Clinton, Rhinelander. I think you can guess why they're there. We like to embrace tradition here.

Besides those folks, we’ve got Peter, Paul, and Jesus—the whole band. I mean, the original band. Well, of course, just because the Chapel was built with a very specific group in mind doesn't mean you can't use it! Over 600 different religious services are held here under the warm gaze of Biblical figures and millionaires alike. 

Fun fact, friends: St. Paul was a teacher! That's how he landed this Chapel chaperone job. He was also a witness. You know, I’ll warn you, future peers, you’ll witness a lot of things here. Make sure you keep doing just that. Witness it, and move on. Oh yes, and he is also the patron saint of writers. I heard the one true student magazine will rise from beneath this very chapel! Messianic! 

Alright tour, let's detour. What's that? Oh yes, that is a protest. I know it can be scary: that's why they're confined to a four by four foot enclosure. It gets really disruptive to our tour schedule. Last year I was late to my Business of Machinery class because one of these agitators kept getting in my face! They tried giving these flyers, something about genocide? I mean, don't they know I'm already past that part of the Core? I swear, these people are disconnected from reality! I digress, tour. I promise you won't see much around here anymore. Alrighty, we're moving along. Let me know if I’m about to walk into a barricade!