LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
As part of some senior year lifestyle kick to “be a grown-up,” motivated by what is no doubt an infant’s comprehension of what it is that grown-ups do, I’ve been domesticating myself like my own nascent pet (for the wonderful possibilities of therapy pets, see our neighborhood dogs centerfold!). I cooked, once. And I reheated the remains, so twice. I bought an industrial sized jar of Skippy, which is a sign of yuppie levels of commitment. (Speaking of commitment, see this issue’s At Two Swords’ Length, “Are We a Thing,” page 10.)
In the mornings, my suitemates and I emerge from our rooms like newly birthed puppies, eyes barely open, and paw clumsily at each others’ doors like drunk mother hens. (For more tales of domesticity, see page 26.) Come nighttime, we pile into bed and laugh about how we need to be up in four hours. Adulthood! (For a professor who thinks we need to “grow up,” check out page 20).
But I must admit, as the semester steamrolls impassionedly along and I’ve found more ways to make it seem like I have So Much Going On Right Now (come to think of it, so does Climate Divest, page 15), I find myself hearkening back to the old life—that peculiar, giddy high of poor nutrition, lack of sleep and fluorescent Butler lighting which Shamus Khan is only just learning about, as seen in our SHIFT story on page 12. When I slept, I cried to deprive myself of sleep again! There’s some cool poetry in this issue.
Am I just too old for this shit? I write this past midnight in the Butler stacks, having procrastinated far too long, and my word count is forming the outline of a swift exit. Submit to discussion board. Close laptop. Wander ButCaf looking for acquaintances to save me from being in bed at a reasonable hour. As Tom Roma reminds us in this issue’s Conversation (page 28), you can find a suitcase full of cash anytime, but you only college once.
Enjoy the issue!
— Hallie Nell Swanson
TRANSACTIONS
ARRIVALS
Expensive kale
“Boynard”
The Tab
School spirit at 1020
The *new* losing streak
DEPARTURES
The ‘dam
Senior Ünderground’s 1 key
Golden Nails
Hats at 1020
Deantini’s sense of direction
Come Again?!
“These activists often resort to scare tactics and other behaviors that detract from the generally pleasant atmosphere on our beautiful campus. When protesters cross the line, it is Columbia’s responsibility to use appropriate methods to keep students in check.”
– Arabelle Chafé, SEAS ’18, as quoted in the Columbia Spectator
TELEPHONE
Columbia buzzwords travel through the grapevine, and yield surprisingly predictable results.
Frida Kahlo
Frida Cash Flow
Free the Cash Flow
Communism
Prez Bo
Prez Bone
Lets Bone
Consent
Dean Kromm
NSOP Song
Beer Pong
Malia
1-800-HOTLINE BLING
1-800-CALL ON IN
1-800 COPS BROUGHT IN
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