Digitalia Columbiana, April 2018
These excerpts were culled from documents left on Columbia’s lab computers. We encourage our readers to submit their own digitalia finds to us, via email, at email@example.com.
i. In the event that the Student Body President is unable to perform his/her duties, the following steps are to be taken:
ii. The member of the Executive Board in the year of highest academic standing will take on the duties.
iii. If multiple members of the Executive Board satisfy the previous requirement, the member who has been elected to the ESC for the most years will take on the duties.
iv. If multiple members of the Executive Board satisfy both previous requirements, the member who held the higher position on Council the previous year will take on the duties.
v. If multiple members of the Executive Board satisfy all three previous requirements, succession shall be determined by a coin toss.
Through the unstoppable tide of spam it has come to my attention that I am still on your list serve. I would like to make clear that my conversion to your list serve was complete coercion. I serve no other list serve than the one and only Holy Father List Serve SSOL. SSOL died for our courses. In the name of SSOL I demand you to go back to whence you came. If you don’t I will be forced to declare a Holy Crusade against your heathen list serve.
(Please remove me from the list serve.)
I have got your contact in the cause of my serious search for a reliable foreign partner through a profile which convinced me of your position/Country. However, I am Kamal Gasser Ahmed my father was a businessman and also one the leaders of Libya United for Reconciliation and Democracy movement that fought against the Government in Libya African.
confiding in you with hope that you will never betray me at last, My most required concern is for you to recognised me as a friend/family, while establishing a long lasting relationship now and the future. Presently, I am in Europe with substantial quantity of diamonds and the sum of Fourt Seven Million United States Dollars (US$47million), These money and diamonds was realise by my father before his death when Revolutionary Movement for Democracy (L.M.D) conquered one of the oil region, by then my father was the head in my region and the Consultant with one of the Oil Fields in Libya.
The money and diamonds was kept under my father care for the purchase of arms from Russia, it was a situation of war so my father died and I consider it my chance and then move immediately to Europe where my late father deposited this diamonds and money with a holding company for save keeping.
My aim of contacting you is to assist me in three ways
(1) to help me move this money and diamonds to your country
(2) to help me secure prospective diamonds buyers
(3) and to help me get a profitable business for investment any where overseas all is base on your professional advice and acceptance to assist me.
Note that a substantial portion of this money would be compensated to you for your assistance. Please, do not hesitate to reply immediately to enable me furnish you with further details.
Finally, keep this with your utmost secrecy and confidentiality as you can understand my condition here, hence i am into hiding as so many people who knows my late father may expose my whereabout to the government authorities in my country.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Kamal Gasser Ahmed)w