Campus Gossip

As heard by The Blue & White.

Illustration by Jiaying Geng

After a brief hiatus, Blue & White Campus Gossip is back with a vengeance. 

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AND WHO LET THIS DOG OUT? 

In an effort to rebuild trust with the student body, Public Safety has been spotted tabling outside of Lerner, proudly displaying a trench-coat-clad hounddog mascot. While the intent seems Sherlock Holmes-esque, this reporter can’t help but note that the execution lands closer to the neighborhood flasher in a fursuit.

THE LATEST FROM SPEC SUCKS

Overheard from an impassioned Spectator editor: “Every year, after we release our application decisions, everyone we reject suddenly decides that they hate us. No one actually dislikes Spec, they just wish they were us.”

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!

Every week, the Schapiro Hall RAs convene to bestow the coveted and highly prestigious Resident of the Week plaque. One particularly passionate second-floor resident has taken to openly campaigning for the title, hanging up posters, lobbying RAs, and bribing fellow residents to put in a good word for him. Yet despite his tireless efforts (and the fact that he’s running completely unopposed) he has been passed over. Repeatedly. 

HE JUST CAN’T LET IT GO 

Like a washed-up recent high school graduate who just can’t seem to stay away from their alma mater, estranged former assistant professor at Columbia Business School Shai Davidai has been spotted lurking around 116th and Broadway, putting up stickers that read, “Hamas: take the deal.” Because nothing screams midlife crisis like battling with undergrads via adhesive slogans. 

CONGRATULATIONS MADAM PRESIDENT 

Word on the street indicates that Columbia University President Claire Shipman has found love! Recent on-the-record remarks from a CCSC representative summarize our sentiments best: “Congratulations to my dear president on her engagement to Sue Sylvester!”