Sketch for M

By Hannah Lui

Illustration by Selin Ho

Turtle-necked at the Kawai where he learned to waltz&rag.

And compose and doodle and dance but I only hear

Scott Joplin’s Maple Leaf tortured from the copper 

When I think of him here

At the piano I am looking at his post-op face on my phone.

Not as bad as I expected Mom says 

When he left two days ago       the last time I saw the face she bore, 

his&this hits me now 

Now, 

Fog bruising purple, his nose is not the same

Thick hanging heavy

Smothering us kindly:

:Specimens to be observed in the morning 

If anything happens during the surgery thanks for being the best big sister

He says now I am learning from you 

Learning so

someday I can be on the ledge like you

Maxilla and mandible

twins of the 17th century, I think of the Cuthberts 

and I love you more 

Listen to me: How I make it beautiful

How I am terrified 

His baby rabbit nose 

Self-dissected for five years 

When to incise? Not soon enough

Eyes pennies at the bottom of the sink

Resenting dad’s bones

I was there when the head was made. 

His face the face Mom gave him while she gave me 

Mine What he is willing to give up now the

Soreness of his hating eyes sunken atop bone/Bone 

the doctors broke for him 

And his nose

An infant minute to be naked under the hospital lights alone. 

My life a minute behind, in wait, but now, still

If anything happens during the surgery

We don’t have to get all Macduff about it. The fact of the 

Matter is

I say You could easily be very embarrassed of me, but you’re not He says 

So I’m happy